special effects

I sit here with my laptop on my lap, an old film on tv and the sun about to set on another Ramadan day. I don't know what to say. There is so much I want to talk about, so much that is simmering inside of me, but I just can't release it. I'm afraid. I don't want it all to boil over one day, but I just don't know how to release it.

I want to tell you about how strange life is. I say that a lot, but I don't think you really grasp what I mean by it.

I want to ask why people do the things they do? What motivates someone to think so little of someone else's life? How could they not grasp the enormity of it? But they don't. Ever. Constantly.

Yet in the big scheme of things it doesn't matter. We only choose to be affected by others. We choose the way we react to what is around us. We choose how we change the world around us. Some of us have more recognisable impacts than others, but none have a smaller impact.

We all have big impacts in our own little ways. We never realise how easy it could be to shake someone's being by a simple gesture, a smile or even a glance. We are oblivious to it but we turn other people's lives upside down everyday.

We are constantly fluxing about, trying new things. Making new discoveries. Excitement comes and goes. We spiral about edging closer and closer, narrowing the circle until, if we're lucky, we reach our destination. The centre of the circle. I want to go there, but I don't know what it looks like. I will find out soon. I feel myself getting closer.