on the tram

I was on the tram headed home last Thursday night. It was around eight in the evening and the tram was full, but not crowded. I was carrying my laptop and some books so was glad to get a seat. I didn't want to stand all the way carrying the heavy bag.

In front of me was a young woman, probably in her early twenties. She was wearing black tights, white runners and a white coloured sports top. She had brown hair and blonde streaks, and was talking on her iphone. She was not quiet. It was hard not to hear every word in her conversation. A conversation that was not pleasant. I didn't want to hear it.

She was obviously talking to a work colleague. They were complaining about a third colleague, maybe a manager.

Lots of people don't like their managers, and many speak ill of them. Not many use such language to describe them in public. It was an appalling conversation. I felt every word penetrate my ear and burn. With every word I felt pain. No human being should be described in such a way, and one should be subjected to such a conversation in a public place. The tram was no place for this.

I leaned slightly over and said "excuse me, do you think we should all be hearing your conversation?"

"wait a minute" she said to her phone partner. "there is a lady here that doesn't want me to talk"

She didn't see a reason for my objection, as if it was her right to speak as loudly as she wanted, and she certainly didn't see anything wrong with the conversation itself.

"I second that" said another woman a few meters down the tram, then another agreed and a few other passengers were now smiling and nodding. I felt encouraged.

"well what do you suggest I do" she asked me sarcastically

"speak lower" I responded "stop talking on the phone, get off the tram"

"there is another one that agrees" she continued to her friend on the phone "and she's fat, you want me to put you on loud speaker? hang on..." she was continuing, other people on the tram were responding.

I stood up "I don't have to listen to this we're obviously not all civilised here" I moved the another section of the tram, put my ipod in my ears, turned it up and ignored the rest of the world.

The other passengers were continuing with the argument. The culprit continued to behave in the most appalling way insulting anyone that spoke to here and her phone partner, now on speaker, joined in. They behaved as if it was their right to behave this way.

I listened to my music.

The tram reached my stop.

I stood up. As I walked towards the door I noticed three inspectors sitting by the door. The large men in inspector uniforms were completely ignoring the events that had still been continuing on the tram.

I dismounted the tram with three thoughts: firstly that most people are decent. Most passengers were disturbed by the events and most, especially the women, were prepared to say something despite the very real possibility that they would become targets of this appalling behaviour. Secondly, that some people don't deserve the lives and opportunities they have, but still carry on in their lives as though they were right and they have the right to be abusive. They will probably not be able to continue in this way for long, because soon enough someone even more abusive will stand in their way.

The third thought supported an observation that I'd had for a long time. People in small positions of authority are not deserving of those positions. Policy officers, parking inspectors, ticket inspectors are the like are not deserving of the respect some portions of society afford them. Too often they deserve worse treatment than the 'culprits' that the system gives them power over.

bright

It is bright in here, there is no darkness.

There is light. There are hopes and dreams.

I have ambition and imaginings.

I dream of a future full of success.

I dream of peace and shelter.

I dream of warmth.

I dream of air and freedom.

I have ambition for success and legacy.

I want to give more than I take, more than I yet have.

I will not be thanked.

It will all be given in silence.

I will not be recognised.

I have anonymity.

That I want to keep.

I want to keep my light.

The more I give, the brighter it is.

I want to keep dreaming of warmth.

I keep dreaming of a future I will never have.

A future as bright as it is in here.

The world needs coordination

I'm on the move again. Travelling.

In fact I'm writing this from an airport.  I hate airports.  They are the only places in the world where the norm is to act like you're homeless.  People sleep on the floor, everybody smells and is grumpy.  I'm no exception.  At least I'm not in high heels and full make-up!

Travel is hard.  It's an ordeal.  Especially for long distance travellers.  But it's not made easier by those in authority.  Those who design the systems are either lacking in intelligent capabilities or derive pleasure in making people say 'how high'!

Tell me this.  You pack your bags and make sure no sharp objects are in your carry on luggage (why tweezers are dangerous I'll never understand, but apparently I have to spend the two days  feeling that one hair that I just can't quite pull out, and feeling very self conscious about it. I miss my tweezers).  You make sure that all your liquids and gels are in small bottles less than a hundred mills and all in a single A5 size plastic bag.  This, in my opinion, serves two purposes, firstly to generate a trade in the small and un-economic size cosmetic products that last only as long as your flight, and secondly to make you feel uncomfortable... people who have dry skin need to moisturise.  I should get exemption.

Anyway, so you take all your precautions and you jump through all the hoops to get into the international terminal.  Including a pat-down search mind you... randomly!  And you are finally on the plane.  They tell you to keep hydrated but don't give you any water or let you bring your own.  Who do I sue if I get deep vein thrombosis and extremely dry skin due to lack of water and moisturising?

You endure 15 hours in a seat smaller than you'd get on a bus, and avoid getting up so as not to disturb the other person who would have to get up every time you felt the need to stretch your feet.  You use plastic knives because that is all they trust you with.

Then you finally land and are herded onto a bus, then a terminal, then you go up some stairs, then some more stairs, all the while feeling like a rat in one of those glass mazes to test their intelligence and how long it takes them to find the food.  Before you know it you are in a long long line going through more metal detectors before they let you into the terminal to wait for your next connecting flight!

What is the point of that.  Is it just to make people stand in long lines carrying their luggage. Then make them all take off their belts, shoes and watches?  What security purpose is it serving? What could I have possibly picked up on the flight that would require this sort of precaution?

I finally get through into the international terminal.  I have no idea where I was before that!

I start to  think about the next four hours.  I try to call a friend who happens to live in this city.  Seems like catching up would be a good use of the four hours they are making me spend here.  Little did I know a single phone call was no small ask.  I have no phone card.  The public phones don't take any other form of payment.  And to top it all off it seems my new mobile network lied when they said I had roaming access.  I'm carrying a brick!

So I try to hunt for a phone card.  I ask the information desk with a big 'i' and the girl didn't know.  Am I really the first person to try making a phone call in this airport??!!!

I walk to the next information desk and I get pointed to a shop.  I stand in line at the shop, and as soon as it's my turn the shop assistant turns around and walks away.  Tell me, is it common practice for people to stand in long lines at registers only to leave as soon as they get to the front?  Why would I be standing there if I didn't have a question?

Anyway, he pointed me to another counter... eventually I reach the magic counter where they stock phone cards.  Supposedly I have to buy a 30 dirham card just to make a single phone call that would cost about 1 or 2 dirhams.  They don't make any smaller cards.

I ask if I can pay in Australian currency.

"yes maam"

"how much"

"nearly twoew dollar"

"what?"

"twoew"

"twenty?"

"No maam twoew"

I look blankly then the colleague comes to the rescue "twelve dollars"

Oh twelve.  

I hand her a twenty dollar note.  She says they can only give me change in the local currency.

Do I really want to spend twenty dollars just to make a fifty cent call?

I rummage in my purse and luckily find exact change.  I hand her twelve dollars exactly.

"I'm sorry maam we don't accept coins"

Are they serious? What sort of a policy is that?  Who thought up that rule and what purpose does it serve?  If you don't accept coins, don't charge me amounts that have to be paid in coins.  Come to think of it all I wanted was a fifty cent phone call.   I don't want the phone card in the first place.

I protest by walking away and blogging.  At least they have a wireless connection that can talk to my laptop.  Thank God for small mercies.  I now get to spend the remaining three hours on the web.... but some websites are blocked!

The world needs better co-ordination.  There are too many idiots at the helm.

The blaming soul

...To dwell at the stage of blaming oneself is to dwell in hope and trust. It is to turn oneself over to God, since only the awareness of God in the first place allows one to blame oneself. Rumi makes this point in answer to one of his disciples who was upset at the way in which people had to kowtow to the Mongol rulers of the time, who were not even Muslims:

"In former times [said the disciple], the truth-concealers worshipped idols and prostrated themselves before them. Today we do the same thing. We go before the Mongols and prostrate ourselves and show all kinds of respect to them. Then we consider ourselves Muslims! And we have many other idols within ourselves, such as greed, caprice, spite, and envy. We obey all of them. Hence, outwardly and inwardly we act the same as the idol-worshipers, but we consider ourselves Muslims!"

The master answered: "But there is one more thing. It enters your mind that 'This is bad and cannot be approved of.' Hence the eye of your heart has certainly seen some ineffable, indefinable, and tremendous thing that shows these to you as ugly and shameful. Salt water appears salty to someone who has drunk fresh water. 'Things become clear through their opposites. Hence God has placed the light of faith in your soul, and it sees these things as ugly. After all, they appear ugly in comparison to that light's beauty. If not, why don't others have this pain? They are happy in what they are doing and say, 'This is the thing." God will give you what you seek for. Wherever your aspiration lies, that you will become. 'The bird flies with its wings, and the person of faith flies with his aspiration.' "

(Taken from Sachiko Murata and William C. Chittick, The vision of Islam, Paragon House St. Paul, Minnesota, 1994, p316, the quote is referenced as: Adapted from Chittick, Sufi Path of Love, pp. 152-53, 212)