Saturday morning TV

For the first time in a long time, I have a relatively free weekend. I have a lot of chores to do but no actual plans with anyone other than me. This should be grrreat.

So as I wondered around the house trying to avoid doing anything productive I got a great idea. I haven't watched TV in a very long time, I thought to myself. I'll turn it on. So I did what I thought was a fairly benign activity that many many people would routinely indulge in on a lazy winter weekend.

I started surfing the channels. We don't have many of them so choice can be fairly limited.
There was an interview with some crusty old man. I didn't wait long enough to figure out who.

There was news in a foreign language. It's funny how all the reporters look the same, use the same tones and practically the same footage. I wondered if they were saying the same things. My wondering, however was short lived as I quickly got bored and moved on.

Oooooh cartoons. How exciting! After about three minutes of that I decided that my age had long passed double digits and this was not as entertaining as it once was.

Next!

Oh look something is just starting, it was only the warnings. It was odd. The warnings included sexual references and mild coarse language. This grabbed my attention, but for all the wrong reasons. I was wondering why on earth there was a show like this at a time like this. It was mid Saturday morning. How many kids would be watching now? It must be a mistake. Like that time they accidentally put on an after hours add during a children's show.

The show began. I had to see what this was about.

There was a puppet! It was a cross between a monkey and a hippo with a bit of Krusty the Clown thrown in. This show was AIMED AT CHILDREN!

I hadn't been off Saturday morning TV for that long! I'm not that old! Things couldn't have changed that much.

The show was a mix of puppets, cartoons, a guy dressed in a panda suit and music clips, which I assume were the source of the "sexual references and mild coarse language". In between segments the hosts, 'Asha' and some guy whose name I forget, would talk about celebrity gossip. I now know that Christina Aguilera is pregnant because she was spotted coming out of a maternity hospital!

I guess you can throw fact verification out the window.

Then the adds came. I really didn't know what to make of this. Had I been someone else I would have thought it was a conspiracy to indoctrinate early teens into the arts of following trashy gossip, having sex too early and generally growing up too soon... but hang on... It can't be that bad. I've just been out of it for a while and am thinking like an old fuddy duddy. There is nothing wrong with a few song clips with provocative dancing. Is there? I've gotta snap out of it.

Then it got worse. An add for hot.gozzip!!!! girls call free and boys call for a charge!!!!

This was the most interesting thing on television at the time and no wonder STIs are on the rise among youth.

But I did find solace in something. Our resident teenager was actually still in bed. Doubtless most other teens were also still in bed. They were instinctively avoiding this. I felt a swell of pride come on. Teenagers are smart enough to know what's not good for them and avoid it, even if their parents keep making it hard by constantly trying to wake them up. (Red, you can stop now... stop trying to wake up the kids... let them save themselves).

Yes life was safe after all. The kids were not watching this. Instead they were probably exposing themselves to the web! What could their innocent young minds possibly be doing when they lock themselves in their rooms with a computer and an ADSL connection?